We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
