Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
