I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
