Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize