There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
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searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
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Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
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