im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
we're so committed to being not committed
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
