if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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