spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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