hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
