just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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