People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
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I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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