Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
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after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
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I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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