She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
