Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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