Please, let me fuck your mom
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
