my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
