They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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