tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
