based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
