marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
