Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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