That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
it glows. i had to have it.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
