Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
