Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I am never drinking with the goths again.
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