You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Porn is love you can see.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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