We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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