I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
