he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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