Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
