i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
