I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize