shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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