apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
