Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
