bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
