when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
