i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
We need a shit load of segways right now
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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