You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
