Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
