Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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