i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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