It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
