I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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