remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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