she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
