Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
