she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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