when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
If that was your dad, he is hot
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
