He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
