Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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