just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
