My Higher Power is John Stamos
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
