Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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