pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
And then he peed in my hair
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