I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
