So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
