how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
