the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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