Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Randomize
