Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
