Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
