nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
